Finding My Confidence

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I would be lying if I said the last three weeks have been easy. I am new in a city where I don’t really have any friends yet. The lack of social life has been hard. I expected this to be hard. I did not expect to make friends overnight, this will come in time. The thing I did not expect to be hard was to figure out a workout routine. I expected to be able to just jump right in and find that perfect routine. I am not sure what fantasy world I was living in but in reality that has not happened. I have loved running (or my version of it) for years. It is not something that has ever come easy for me. Running in Florida was hard. I have never understood the phrase “easy run” they are all hard for me. Running in New York City this has basically been impossible. My impossible, you see in Florida it is FLAT. The hills we call hills… they are not hills. The hills in NYC have kicked my butt. I have been on three runs in three weeks. I have tried to run. I have also deleted every run attempt from my Garmin because I was so embarrassed about how slow the miles were. I am used to running slow miles but not this slow. This has been a real struggle for me to come to terms here. My slow miles in Florida would be fast miles in NYC. I did join a gym and am adding that to my schedule. I think just for some confidence building I am going to stick to the treadmill for a while. I want to enjoy running again. I am just not sure how to get there. I will figure it out, I am sure of this. My hard is harder than I expected it to be. I am not okay with that but it is my reality. In January I set some goals for myself that may need to be adjusted some. So, for now, my goal is to find my joy of running again. It is going to be getting on the treadmill and putting in the miles a few times a week no matter how hard it is. Then eventually when I am feeling better and more confident I will find my way back to the pavement. I have the word Stronger tattooed on my right wrist. This is a constant reminder that I am stronger than I think or believe I am.

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