On Monday next week, I start half marathon training. This will be the first time since 2014 that I am really training for a race. This training will provide me with the strength and confidence that I need to start training for the NYC Marathon in a few months. (I am not officially in the marathon yet, but fingers crossed or charity). I have chatted with my incredibly patient coach and he believes I can do the race (both of them). I want to believe I can as well but if I am being honest I am terrified. There are a couple of reasons I am so scared.
One, I tend to be pretty prone to injuries, and pretty big ones. I have had injuries sideline me for months and even a year at a time. I am so scared of another big injury. I am doing my stretches and all my Physical Therapy exercises, but the fear is still there. I am not sure I can handle another big or long injury
Two, I have never trained solo before. I have had my coach and my running club by my side since day one of becoming a runner. Paul (my coach) has been on his bike riding next to me, pushing me harder when I did believe I could keep going. I have been at track workouts and long runs where the fastest and hardest working people in the club would run past me encouraging me to keep going. I know I can text, call, or post on social media when I need them but that is not the same as literally getting a finger in your back when you try to walk when it is not the time for a walk break. I am going to have to push myself harder and not give up on myself when I don’t think I can keep going.
Three, I want this so bad… I know it is silly to be afraid of something you want really bad. It scares me to think that I want this as bad as I do, and yet I might not succeed. I know how hard it was the first time I trained for a half marathon, and this time I am doing it solo and with hills. I don’t want to disappoint the people in my corner and above all I am scared of disappointing myself.
So, yes I am terrified BUT I am going to do this. I know I can … I just have to do the work and keep believing in myself every day.